Tara Nanayakkara

This is my Story – Repost from Faith on the Edge

I’ve had a complex relationship with the concept of faith since I was young starting with the naiveté of youth. I held the blind belief that a prayer opening with “Dear Jesus” would solve the worries of my life – everything from schoolwork issues to my fears of getting sick.

It didn’t help matters that my mother told me that if I had enough faith, my eyes would be healed and one day I would drive a car. C’mon seriously? I actually believed it.

While on our family vacation in 1975, we stopped in at Saint Anne Du Beaupre en route to an eye specialist in Montreal. I thought the holy water we purchased from the venerable church in Quebec City would give me the gift of perfect eyesight.

It wasn’t to be.

My father, a Buddhist must have thought my mother was out of her mind as she continued to push faith on me with prayer cards and an inspirational book God Calling. It was organized with each page containing a January to December quote-of-the-day from Jesus. These quotes were then expounded upon within a mini liturgy. My mother devoured this book, reading it …uh… religiously every morning for decades. She expected the book to help me the way it helped her.

Not happening.

I questioned much. I doubted even more.

For years I went through the motions of “believing in God” but as a teenager I became bitter and cynical about the whole concept of faith. I prayed and my vision wasn’t getting any better. It might even have been getting worse. I’d never drive a car.

“Yes but God has given you inner vision,” my mother intoned.

Now I wasn’t sure if she was referring to second sight since I am highly intuitive and see myself as deeply spiritual without actually considering myself religious.

Coming from the Buddhist background of my father’s people, I do hold to the concept of reincarnation, though it does scare me. Getting into the argument of why the Christian church struck down the concept of reincarnation at the Council of Nicea in 325 AD is a different blog post all together.

After my father’s death, I began to explore the afterlife from writers with varying perspectives. I believe in our personal angels and spirit guides. I’ve evolved to that place and raised my children with the same knowledge and understanding. In our household asking our Angels to intervene for us is common place.

This is where my faith has brought me. We go to church to give our lives a sense of structure, community and belonging. The term Christian refers to one who follows Christ… not a group of well-heeled people with lacy tablecloths and fine china who preach to the downtrodden that they are blessed by God because they are good and pious and the poor among us are not blessed because if they were, they’d have a gilded life too.

Sorry, it doesn’t work that way.

Today my faith speaks to me this way; we chose to incarnate into this world to learn lessons for our own personal growth. Jesus and his army of angels and our own spirit guides are there to help us.

All we have to do is ask and believe then they are with us.